Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
