i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
