Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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