my phone needs a breathalizer
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize