I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
