Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
