My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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