my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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