Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
