Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
