dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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