doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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