absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
