Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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