I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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