I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
