i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
