I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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