You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
