His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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