You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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