Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
