he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
