ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
