I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
