There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
