Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
