Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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