24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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