I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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