Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
