I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
