if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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