is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
