Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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