he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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