I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
