just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
