i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
