Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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