this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
