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My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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