i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
