I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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