i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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