So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
