I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
