see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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