it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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