Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
