your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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