: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
