he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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