Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
