eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
