So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
