I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
