Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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