im about as happy as oj after his trial
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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