it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
