I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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