so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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