you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
