i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
