shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
