i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
