watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just google imaged poop.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dear god my vagina.
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