I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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