if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
