Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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