Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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