I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
