Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
