i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
