Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
