someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize