I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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