I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
