the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hello my rib-scented angel!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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