I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
