Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
